Wisdom

I just finished reading in James and I have a lot on my heart at the moment.  I try to be good about journaling my deepest thoughts, burdens, fears, and praises to the Lord.  But I have also come to find that blogging about things I am learning, things God is putting on my heart, and the ways I am being stretched has really help me as well.  I pray that they will not only be something for me to look back on and see how God has worked but that they will bless those who read it as well.  I pray nothing but that God would be glorified through this blog!  So be warned- I am going to be writing about how God has moved in me lately.  I am not the best writer and I don't always have the right words but here it goes...  So I read in James tonight.  Me and Jonny have some big decisions to make in our family right now.  I won't go into all the details but for the past few weeks we have been praying about our careers (more specifically mine).  Right now I am working for my dad part time.  Some opportunities have come up for me and our financial situation is not great right now.  So we have been praying.  Praying about what God wants me to be doing right now and what this fall will look like for our family.  Praying what path to take next.  Asking God what is best for Payton.  We have been blown away by how the Lord has continued to provide and bless our family.  I am confident that He will continue to do just that.  I have been struggling the past few weeks though.  I have so many things running through my mind all the time.  Weighing pros and cons.  Going over our budget.  Having many sleepless nights.  Asking the Lord for answers and still being so confused.  It has been hard.  Tonight, the Lord spoke to me.  Tonight, I felt convicted.  Tonight, I found peace in Him.  While I was reading tonight some verses really stuck out to me.  The first one is found in James 1:2-7  "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."  I know this is a vary familiar verse for a lot of us (I know I have read it many times) but the Lord kept bringing it back to my heart.  First, life is hard.  God never said it was going to be easy.  He said we WILL meet trials.  Second, He said that we will have MANY trials.  Third, the Lord tells us to consider it Joy.  I have read this verse so many times but never really stopped to really dissect it.  Its always seemed a little crazy to me- finding Joy in pain is hard.  Life sucks sometimes and it seems crazy to find joy in it sometimes.  But as I was meditating on it I realized there is a beautiful promise in the this verse, in the pain.  Locked into the sorrows of this life is perseverance.  The trials of this life are going to produce good in the future.  Pain teaches us that there is something more- that this world is not our home.  These two weeks have been really hard on me and Jonny but God promises that through this pain, I will gain perseverance and if I let it finish its work, I will be mature- gain wisdom.  So I rejoice in my pain because I know good is coming!  What really has struck home with me is the second part of this verse.  Asking for wisdom.  Asking for wisdom WITHOUT doubt.   I feel like I have been asking God to give me clarity and open doors and then getting no answers.  But the Lord has convicted me of not believing.  I don't think I have really asked in faith.  I feel like I have been praying in a way that is safe.  Praying for what I want not what the Lord wants for me.  Because I am afraid of what the Lord will say.  I am afraid if I pray for the will of the Lord, it will be hard (which it will be- God tells us that the Christian life is not easy).  But I was reminded tonight that although life is hard and the path we choose won't be easy, good will come.  And if we fix our eyes on eternity, we know we are not home yet and this hard life is temporary.  God will bless us if we deny ourselves and follow Him.  So I am laying it down.  Seeking God and asking for the path that will mold me into what He wants for me.  Trusting that God will continue to provide and lead our family.  I am asking in faith- knowing trials and pain will come but also knowing Gods promises are good and He is faithful!  The Second verse that I have meditated on is found in James 3:14-18 "But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.  For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.  But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.  Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness."  Wisdom from above is pure.  Lacking in nothing.  Lord, please give me wisdom that is not out of selfish ambition! 

Ps.  My husband is amazing.  I am so blessed to have a man that loves the Lord.  Praying and leading our family.  He has trusted in the Lord and continues to seek God through this time.  He has comforted me and given me strength.  I love him dearly and so thankful that God is using him!